#2

(Spiritual) Psychopath

I was just sitting here thinking what that would mean, exactly? Wikipedia is great, you know... "Lack of a conscience in conjunction with a weak ability to defer gratification and/or control aggressive desires, often leads to antisocial behaviors." So, in reality it's not remotely intertwined with spirituality, it's just normal everyday life stuff that someone deals with. BUT if we were to refer it to spirituality, I think it pretty much means the same thing.

I remember growing up in the church. My parents and family had instilled a very strong sense of right and wrong into me while growing up. I'm thankful. I still have little blue K-mart lights flashing in my head when someone is hurt, or something bad is said- or when I hurt someone, or say something I shouldn't. It's just my choice as to how I'm going to deal with the light.

Deferring gratification... when I'm the one who is looking good? when I'm the one who get's to laugh at the joke aimed at somone elses expense. Controlling aggressive desires... what does that mean? You actually mean I'm supposed to help someone else get a leg up in the company? I'm not supposed to lash out when it's not my fault? What about me???!!!!

I have a friend who once said she'd rather be a doormat if it meant that the person was walking on her to cross the threshhold to the Kingdom. (I still think she's a little crazy... but considering... I see her as more and more reasonable.) Look at Joseph's life in Genesis-Beaten, sold, imprisoned...looserville! Yeah, and then he was Pharoh-ing!

I guess I still want my conscience. I still want the little light, the pang in my heart, the 'woah' in my giddy-up. But sometimes more, I need to use the 'ability' inside of me to act on the voice that has been with me so long. Who else can I trust?

#1

I was rummaging (don't you just love that word) through some old art that I've made, and mixed in was this poem. Thought it was a good start to a new blog. I didn't write it, but I did memorize it at some point during my high school carreer. (If memorizing includes forgetting.)

Martha Snell Nicholson



My Advocate



I sinned. And straightway, post-haste Satan flew

Before the presence of the Most High God,

And made a railing accusation there.

He said, " This soul, this thing of clay and sod

Has sinned. 'Tis true that he has named Thy name,

But I demand his death, for Thou has said,

'The sould that sinneth, it shall die!' Shall not

Thy sentence be fulfilled? Is Justice dead?

Send now this wretched sinner to his doom.

What other thing can righteous ruler do?"

And thus he did accuse me day and night,

And every word he spoke, O God, was true!



Then quickly One rose up from God's right hand,

Before Whose glory angels veiled their eyes.

He spoke, "Each jot and tittle of the law

Must be fulfilled: the guilty sinner dies!

But wait. Suppose his guilt were all transferred

To ME and that I paid his panalty!

Behold My hand, My side, My feet! One day

I was made sin for him, and died that he

Might be presented faultless, at Thy throne!"

And Satan fled away. Full well he knew

That he could not prevail against such love,

For every word my dear Lord spoke was true!



I've found that as I talk my way around the gospel, it's skin, the fingernails, the hair color- there is still only one foundation, one root- the skeletal truth, the bone and marrow. God set this place up and He made the laws for us, he made the way for us to live, and yes, there is only one way for us to live successfully. And that way is to throw ourselves onto His grace for this perfect law we can never align ourselves to. It was never given to us to be able to do it on our own. It was always His hope to be involved with us. There is always a sacrafice, and it was never us. It was first a garden, then a lamb and then a man- who happened also to be God, himself. He took his own rib, his own flesh and sent it down once again. Looking for salvation. And he found it.

In this day, an advocate is a person who vies for your character. One who stands behind the truth of what is known about who you are, and says, "I'll stand behind you, next to you, and even with you through this." I won't run away. I want to be with you.

I hope we keep Jesus with us. This thought of his advocacy. This empowerment of our existance- everyday, living life with He who is our best friend.