#2

(Spiritual) Psychopath

I was just sitting here thinking what that would mean, exactly? Wikipedia is great, you know... "Lack of a conscience in conjunction with a weak ability to defer gratification and/or control aggressive desires, often leads to antisocial behaviors." So, in reality it's not remotely intertwined with spirituality, it's just normal everyday life stuff that someone deals with. BUT if we were to refer it to spirituality, I think it pretty much means the same thing.

I remember growing up in the church. My parents and family had instilled a very strong sense of right and wrong into me while growing up. I'm thankful. I still have little blue K-mart lights flashing in my head when someone is hurt, or something bad is said- or when I hurt someone, or say something I shouldn't. It's just my choice as to how I'm going to deal with the light.

Deferring gratification... when I'm the one who is looking good? when I'm the one who get's to laugh at the joke aimed at somone elses expense. Controlling aggressive desires... what does that mean? You actually mean I'm supposed to help someone else get a leg up in the company? I'm not supposed to lash out when it's not my fault? What about me???!!!!

I have a friend who once said she'd rather be a doormat if it meant that the person was walking on her to cross the threshhold to the Kingdom. (I still think she's a little crazy... but considering... I see her as more and more reasonable.) Look at Joseph's life in Genesis-Beaten, sold, imprisoned...looserville! Yeah, and then he was Pharoh-ing!

I guess I still want my conscience. I still want the little light, the pang in my heart, the 'woah' in my giddy-up. But sometimes more, I need to use the 'ability' inside of me to act on the voice that has been with me so long. Who else can I trust?